50 things NOT to do at Hogwarts

This is stolen from drmike’s blog. Thankyou. :)

50 Things NOT to do at Hogwarts

1. I will not poke Hufflepuffs with spoons, nor will I insist that their House colors indicate that they are “covered in bees”.

2. No matter how good a fake Australian accent I can do, I will not imitate Steve Irwin during Care of Magical Creatures class.

3. Growing marijuana or hallucinogenic mushrooms is not “an extra credit project for Herbology”.

4. “I’ve heard every possible joke about Oliver Wood’s name” is not a challenge.

5. I am not allowed to attempt to breed a liger.

6. I will not go to class skyclad.

7. The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball.

8. I will not use Umbridge’s quill to write “I told you I was hardcore”.

9. I will stop referring to showering as “giving Moaning Myrtle an eyeful”.

10. Polishing my wand in the common room is acceptable. “Polishing my wand” in the common room is not.

11. If a classmate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that fact and draw a Dark Mark on their arm.

12. House elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers.

13. Starting a betting pool on the fate of this year’s Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher is tasteless and tacky, not a clever money-making concept.

14. I will not start every Potions class by asking Professor Snape if today’s project is suitable for use as a sexual lubricant.

15. Adding the name “Bueller” to Professor Binns’ roster is not funny.

16. “Springtime for Voldemort” is not an acceptable suggestion for the class play.

17. Seamus Finnegan is not “after me Lucky Charms”.

18. I will not refer to the Weasley twins as “bookends”.

19. I will not refer to the Patil twins as “bookends”.

20. The Slytherin prefect is named Draco Malfoy, not “Rocky Horror.”

21. It is exceptionally tasteless to tell Professor Lupin that “Once you go Black, you never go back.”

22. I will not call Lucius Malfoy “Jareth”.

23. I will not bring a Magic Eight Ball to Divination class.

24. I am not to refer to the Potions classroom as “Kitchen Stadium”.

25. I will not tell Ron and Hermione to “Get a room” whenever they start to fight.

26. The Forbidden Forest is forbidden for a reason.

27. I am not a tribble Animagus.

28. I am allowed to have a toad, rat, cat, or owl. I am not allowed to have a reticulated python, snow leopard, Tasmanian devil, or piranha.

29. I do not weigh the same as a duck.

30. Remus Lupin does not want a flea collar.

31. Sirius Black is not #24601.

32. I will not lick Trevor.

33. I will stop asking the Arithmancy teacher what the square root of -1 is.

34. I am not being repressed.

35. Calling Lucius Malfoy “Luscious Mouthful” is just plain gross.

36. I will not change the password to the prefects’ bath to “Makes getting clean almost as much fun as getting dirty”.

37. There is no such thing as an Invisibility Thong.

38. I am not a Pinball Wizard.

39. Asking “How do you keep a Gryffindor in suspense?” and walking away is only funny the first time.

40. I will not offer to pose nude for Colin Creevey.

41. I will not offer to pose nude for Dean Thomas.

42. It is a bad idea to tell Professor Snape he takes himself too seriously.

43. It is a bad idea to tell Professor McGonagall she takes herself too seriously.

44. Sir Cadogan is not one of the knights who say “NI”.

45. I will not offer to prepare tandoori owl.

46. I will stop asking when we will learn to make “Love Potion Number Nine”.

47. I will not ask Dumbledore to show me the pointy hat trick.

48. I will not greet Professor McGonagall with “What’s new, pussycat?”

49. There is not now, nor has there ever been, a fifth House at Hogwarts, and I am not a member of that house, nor am I its founder.

50. I will not take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter.

I’d have problems if I just had to pick a few favourite ones, they are all simply great. :)

Cat

20 Comments

  1. Ashish C.
    Posted April 12, 2007 at 10:31 am | Permalink

    Ingenious! Me like you has trouble getting me favorites sorted! :D

  2. Posted April 12, 2007 at 1:04 pm | Permalink

    11. If a classmate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that fact and draw a Dark Mark on their arm.

    20. The Slytherin prefect is named Draco Malfoy, not “Rocky Horror.”

    Those two are my only favourites.

  3. Posted April 12, 2007 at 6:16 pm | Permalink

    LOL I didn’t have much trouble finding a favorite.It’s this:-

    48. I will not greet Professor McGonagall with “What’s new, pussycat?”

  4. Posted April 12, 2007 at 9:22 pm | Permalink

    There are so many I’d like. One of them is:
    “13. Starting a betting pool on the fate of this year’s Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher is tasteless and tacky, not a clever money-making concept.”

    And why am I not surprised, Ish? :P

  5. Posted April 13, 2007 at 10:58 am | Permalink

    I don’t know.I’m surprised that you’re surprised :P

  6. Posted April 13, 2007 at 11:21 am | Permalink

    Goddam! I hate #7: now I gotta find a new date!

  7. Ashish C.
    Posted April 13, 2007 at 12:53 pm | Permalink

    10. Polishing my wand in the common room is acceptable. “Polishing my wand” in the common room is not.
    I still think this is the best one! :P

  8. Posted April 13, 2007 at 2:04 pm | Permalink

    raincoaster: You can always try and go against rule 32. ;)

  9. Posted July 7, 2007 at 9:53 am | Permalink

    32. I will not lick Trevor.

    29. I do not weigh the same as a duck.

    37. There is no such thing as an Invisibility Thong.

    These are my ABSOULOUTE favorites (:

  10. B.T. Isaac
    Posted August 16, 2007 at 8:35 pm | Permalink

    35 and 47. A Sluggy reference and a Cassie Claire reference, no doubt.

  11. Posted September 9, 2007 at 5:58 pm | Permalink

    lol! there great! how about:

    i will not sing ‘we’re off to see the wizard’ when i am sent to the headmasters office!

  12. Sha
    Posted September 11, 2007 at 10:30 am | Permalink

    How about “I will not test my new wand on Mrs. Norris to test how strong it is”

  13. Sha
    Posted September 11, 2007 at 10:31 am | Permalink

    pS: Might steal this for my blog but will credit you with it cat :D

  14. Posted September 11, 2007 at 2:16 pm | Permalink

    Feel free to steal it. ‘Tis a great list! :)

  15. zoe
    Posted June 29, 2010 at 9:51 pm | Permalink

    Best 5, in my opinion (not in order):
    1. “Springtime for Voldemort” is not an acceptable suggestion for the class play.

    2. Seamus Finnegan is not “after me Lucky Charms”.
    3. Remus Lupin does not want a flea collar
    There is no such thing as an Invisibility Thong.
    4. I am not a Pinball Wizard.
    5. If a classmate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that fact and draw a Dark Mark on their arm.

  16. zoe
    Posted June 29, 2010 at 9:52 pm | Permalink

    oops i meant best 6!

  17. Dani
    Posted August 23, 2010 at 10:54 pm | Permalink

    lol my fave has to be this one

    17. Seamus Finnegan is not “after me Lucky Charms”.

  18. Joe Hook
    Posted January 3, 2011 at 2:33 pm | Permalink

    how about “I will not ask Wormtail to ‘give me a hand with this.’” :)

  19. Ruby
    Posted August 11, 2011 at 5:29 pm | Permalink

    Number 35′s the best one. Made me chuckle. ;P

  20. Posted April 21, 2014 at 7:14 pm | Permalink

    Hello! I know this is somewhat off topic but I was wondering
    if youu knew where I could locat a captcha plugin for my comment form?

    I’m using the same blog platform as yours and I’m having difficulty finding one?
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