Many moons ago when I was still living in Germany and spending my days doing voluntary work I reached the point of too much stress. I believe I was around 17 or 18 and at that point all I wanted to do was throw my calendar into a river. It contained my life from important meetings, things I had agreed to do, double booked events and meetings, as well as phone numbers, lists, agendas, reviews and so on.
I didn’t and instead changed my attitude and outlook on life. Sure, I still had issues with my inability of saying no to people and I still had far too much on my plate, but I stopped worrying about things I can’t change. Realising that there was no use worrying about an evening’s meeting at the bus stop in the morning was the first step and from then onwards I had been able to focus more.
.
The main reason this year has been as shit as it’s been is stress. Stress that isn’t my own, but piled on me in masses by other people for various reasons.
There’s the stress and the expectations of the landlady I owed money to; the stress from banks who were unable to sort out the simplest banking requests without making my life a living hell and leaving me without money for most of this year; the stress from a job I no longer enjoy, even though by all means I should; the stress from friends who changed the terms of our friendship, moved away or became erratic in their expectations for various reasons, as well as the realisation that my life, despite all my efforts is becoming something I don’t want it to be.
It’s what I’ve mentioned in another recent post where I’ve said I want to stop letting things affect me and take more charge of what my life is about. Don’t worry about things you can’t change, Cat.
