“At the end of the day.”
This phrase is used at least ten times each episode by various candidates. This number increases as the series goes along. It normally means that the candidate is about to repeat what they have already said plenty of times during the episode to make themselves look good in front of the cameras which it actually doesn’t. Most other candidates also automatically switch off and don’t listen to what’s being said [which is fair enough seeing that nothing of value is being added anyway] or try to make themselves heard at the same time which can lead to very same and boring shouting matches. Bonus points are gained for frantically pointing around with a pen in their hand.
“I think that..”
This phrase is usually followed with some negative comment, such as “I think that your presentation wasn’t direct enough for the client” which really means “I think you’re an absolute bitch and the sole reason this task failed, even though I did an even worse job than you, but I can talk better, so ha.” This should not be confused with:
“I don’t think that..”
which is always being followed by ‘”I should have been the one that got fired” and is exclusively mentioned by the recently fired candidate on their way home in the black cab. Of course they are wrong..
“What I would say..”
This is only being said by candidates in the boardroom that are either completely underqualified or have made a major mistake that’s caused the team to have lost the task. It really means “I’m still trying to come up with a suitable excuse which is why I am using this as a filler so Sir Allen doesn’t notice how I really shouldn’t be here and fire me.”
This phrase is used by every candidate in the boardroom that believes themselves to be in danger of being fired. Usually the candidate was asked by Sir Allen why he shouldn’t fire them and the candidate embarks on a monologue lasting several minutes talking about irrelevant topics, such as how they were bullied at school, their difficult background as well as mentioning all the talents they have. Which really are exactly the same talents everyone else in the boardroom has.
“I quite like the idea..”
Only ever heard in the planning stages of each episodes during the brainstorming process and is followed by some very generic or tacky [or both] ideas that every normal person would never even consider doing. Depending on the popularity of the candidate or rather the loudness of their voice [think Saira Khan..] their idea gets taken and the team is heading to almost certain disaster.
Used in an affirmative tone by one candidate to another, the latter one more often than not being the team leader. This actually means that the team member has either no idea or doesn’t want to do whatever is being asked from them because they dislike the team leader. This is also often used in conjunction with rolling their eyes or followed by bitching to whichever team member would listen. Curiously this is a much more common problem amongst male team members.
“Sir Allen will realise that as well.”
He won’t. You might as well give up now.
Series 5 of ‘The Apprentice UK’ started last week and for the first time since it’s conception I don’t like any of the candidates. None of them stand out enough or are likeable enough. After watching both of the episodes so far I can’t even remember anyone’s name, something that’s never been a problem before.
- Why do they still make the same mistakes the candidates made in the previous seasons? Have they ever heard of preparation?
- Why does this series remind me of both ‘The Office’ and ‘Arresting Development’?
- With the number of fly-bys of the London skyline exceeding the ones in the average CSI episode, has the entire show just become one large advertisement for the City of London?
- Incidentally there were also quite a few scenes in Tesco’s, although seeing that people complained about the quality of the food by the girl’s team I wonder whether Tesco’s were aware of the light they’re being shown in..
- Why are there over 20 minutes dedicated to the boardroom? With recaps, intros and interviews there’s barely any time dedicated to the actual task! I’m pretty sure I remember it being different.
- Is it wrong for thinking ‘The Apprentice – You’re fired’ show is actually the best part?
- I’m too lazy to look for it myself, but are any of the candidates on Twitter or have their own websites?
At the moment I’m not sure I’ll finish watching this series as I spent a good few minutes during the second episode wondering what the show would be like if it was narrated by the guy who does the Big Brother UK voiceovers and then realised that I’d actually prefer him to do it.
In fact, Margret sums up my feelings pretty well: